The changing of the seasons have a neat way of reminding me of the faithfulness of God. The changes also seem to parallel so often with the season of life I am in. Right now, it is very obviously winter time...it is deathly and painfully cold, the trees are bare, and there is not as much light during the daytime. With that brief description, I feel like that is my life right now. There is a cold, slow and painful death happening within me. I don't see much light right now and I feel bare and vulnerable. This season feels so hopeless and again...painful.
This has happened before; in fact, it was this time last year when I was in Taiwan that I believe I felt this way. And now back in the US, in Ohio, I am feeling this way.
To give a brief update, much has happened since my last blog post. I have a job now counseling elderly and long-term assisted care adults who are dealing with depression and anxiety (which I find ironic in many ways since I am dealing with much of the same!). I am enjoying it although it is quite a difficult job. I moved all of my belongings out of my aunt's to my grandfather's, but was living with some dear friends up until yesterday.
Now, I am living full-time with my elderly grandfather in the town that I grew up in of all places. This is a place and a situation I NEVER pictured myself living in again. But for some reason, this is where the Lord has me and like I said it is painful at this time. And as morbid as it sounds, I hope this situation will be the death of me, so that Christ can live more fully through me (John 3:30; Galatians 2:20). I only hope this situation is very temporary. I hope there will be "new life" in the spring time.
I echo a lot of what I said in my last post ("Lost in Transition")...that I know He is faithful. I pray He has His way in me during this difficult and "misty" time. If you think about it, whoever is reading this, please pray for me...however the Lord leads you because I am struggling to figure out a lot of things, but most of all...I am longing for the Lord to just have His way in me and that I would feel His refreshing presence so near right now. Thank you.
5 comments:
That is a great Nicole Nordeman song! I will pray for you seeing how I feel like my life is going through that similar season. I would appreciate your prayers as well.
so i just thought i should tell you... i am praying for you! and i miss you dearly. -Melia
Praying for you friend.
'Just saw your blog for the first time tonight. Very honest and gripping...I will pray for you even now, a month after the last post. I hope God has given you some encouragement since December and perhaps a friend to share your daily journey. How blessed is your grandfather to have your company right now! Love from an old friend in FL, Barbara G
You are so transparent! It that is truly graat to see. And your openess to God's will is refreshing! Thanks for sharing! And I hope things are clearer now than back in the winter. I will pray for you tonight. It's almost 11:30 on a Monday night here in good ole' Taiwan. God is good and faithful and true!
Keep writing! And God bless you as you serve Him. Miss you here in Taiwan!
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